“To Fall in love with yourself, is the first secret to happiness” – Robert Morley
Ok, so I thought it was time I had a little chat about what Self-Love is, especially as I preach this term almost every day. Now what you should know is that before I used this term to describe myself and my Coaching, I was very against it. I felt the term was very fluffy and a little cringe, because so many people were preaching ‘love yourself, love yourself’, without actually telling anyone HOW to do this. So I had a little moment of playing around with other names/words but then I had to let my ego go, as I realised everything I was speaking about and the clients I was working with, was all centred around that very term, SELF-LOVE!
So, Self-Love in my eyes is basically directing love towards yourself! I know you’re like, ‘yeh durrr Keeley’ that’s obvious, but what if I ask you this ‘How do YOU actually direct love towards yourself” What would you say? You see, if you had asked me that question 7 years ago I wouldn’t have understood what you meant. I had no idea what it meant to love myself and to be honest when I did hear that term, I thought it meant you were arrogant and cocky and like I said, I was kind of against saying the term because I thought I was going to sound like a twat. Yep I said it, the ‘Self-love’ Coach that hated the term Self-love, ironic hey. So here I am today to clear up what it actually means to love yourself and to help you understand how to put it into play in your life.
First things first, loving yourself does not have a finish line. There is no destination but instead it’s a journey. A journey in which you choose to take every day of your life so you continue to have a healthy relationship with YOU! Some days it will be easier to love yourself than others and it may also be easier to love yourself more or less in different areas of your life. But ultimately what you need to know, is that you are in a relationship with yourself and like any relationship it takes work, commitment, consistency and a choice to show up for you. There are many areas for us to work on when it comes to loving ourselves, but the main aim of the game is for you to find acceptance in all you are and to hold yourself with high regard. That means respecting and valuing yourself. It is not being arrogant, but quite the opposite. Loving yourself is realising that you are not perfect but that it’s ok. Working on the relationship you have with yourself, helps you have a deeper and greater appreciation for who you are, truly in your heart and soul.
3 Connect and live in Alignment
When you love yourself and have a deep understanding of who you are, you live life in alignment, rather than ‘trying to be…’, ‘pretending you are…’ or ‘fearing’ showing up as your amazing self. So many people I work with are hiding or don’t know who they are because of all the labels, stories and beliefs others have been bestowed upon them. Your job, should you choose to do the work, is to nurture and strengthen the relationship you have with you. To really connect to who you are, because when we build a strong foundation with ourselves, we are then able to show up confidently in our external relationships and in life its self. Self love is self-validation and when you truly believe that you are ENOUGH, regardless of what others might say, then you stand powerfully, authentically and confidently as your whole, unique worthy self.
Heal your Wounds
So as I mentioned there are various areas for us to work on to build love for ourselves. But one important factor is for us to heal the wounds we have picked up over our lifetime. Experiences, traumas and people all have an effect on how we feel about ourselves, and in turn how we feel, affects how we show up. If we understand how we are operating and behaving, we can notice any self sabotaging thoughts and behaviours we’re playing out because of an unhealed wound. This means becoming aware of ourselves and our ‘shit’. I became aware of myself through both coaching and therapy and was amazed to see how some of the patterns and beliefs that were imprinted in me, where having such a negative effect on my life. Something I had not realised before because I had never allowed myself to really understand ‘me’, my behaviours, or my thoughts and feelings. But in doing this I became more self aware and this really was the key to building a deeper loving connection with myself, which meant I was able to transform my life and my relationship. You see, when you believe in you and value yourself, this radiates out of you and in turn changes the way others respond and treat you. It is nobody else’s responsibility but your own to insure someone shows you the respect you deserve. We can not control the thoughts or behaviours of others, only ourselves, and when we trust in who we are it becomes easier to let go of those people or situations that do not make us feel like we are good enough.
3 Ways to love yourself
So, here are 3 practical ways you can start to love yourself some more right now beautiful lady…
Listen to YOU!
You’ve heard of your intuition right? We’ll get in touch with her. Become aware of that inner voice because that’s who you are at the core. She is trying to hep you live in alignment to yourself but so often we ignore that inner voice because we’re used to being told how to be/act or what to do/say by others our whole life. Deep inside you know what you want and need. How you design your life, the relationship you settle for, it’s all up to you
If you are looking for answers to something, feel doubtful, or unsure, then sit with yourself quietly for 10 minutes and listen deeply to what comes up. The answers are always within, you just have to connect to yourself to find them.
Change Your Language!
This one is engrained so deeply and takes some time to work on. So many of the women I work with start off completely unaware of how they are speaking to themselves. Everything you believe comes as a result of what you have been told, been taught or picked up from others. So when you continuously speak about yourself unkindly or negatively you are doing serious damage. Your unconscious mind is one of the most powerful parts of your body and it picks up all these messages and stores them without you even realising. So much so, that you probably don’t even notice some of the awful things you say about yourself right? So no more being horrible to you.
Notice some of the negative language you use and 180 it. Speak to yourself in a much kinder way, because it’s really up to you to be your own best friend first!
Respect Yourself More!
Now I could do a whole Blog on this one (and probably will) But self respect is you loving yourself enough to walk away or let go of anyone or thing that doesn’t make you feel good. When you respect ourself, you silently demand that same respect from those around you. Whether you have a toxic person in your life, or are in a situation that is making you feel crap, it’s up to you to make a choice to either change it or let it go. We can never control another person, only ourselves, so what are you doing to take control of your life in this moment…
Think about a person or relationship in your life right now which doesn’t make you feel good. Then ask yourself these 3 questions.
- What does this person bring to my life?
- What do I need for this relationship to transform?
- How can I take action to change or leave this relationship?
Why continue in something or allowing someone to makes you feel shit about yourself? You are enough, focus on loving you and feeling you the way you deserve.
So now you have some clarity on what Self-love actually is and some practical ways to direct it towards yourself. You know that it’s a journey and a choice you must make for the rest of your life, so I ask you now, ‘do you choose to love yourself?’ Do you choose to heal your wounds, respect and value yourself, believe you are enough and let go of those people who are not seeing your worth? I really hope the answer is yes, because we all deserve to live a fulfilled life full of love and happiness.
If you want some support on working on your relationship with you, or transforming/letting go of an unhappy relationship, then get in touch and let’s chat about how my 1:1 Coaching program, could help you.
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A round of applause for your article. Really thank you! Fantastic.