“ When you say yes to others, make sure you are not saying No to Yourself”
– Paulo Coelho
NO! A word that can be very difficult for many of us to say without feeling guilty. But what is it about saying no that makes it so uncomfortable…
Whats The Fear
Often our biggest fear for saying that simple word, is because we are afraid of upsetting or disappointing the other person. We worry that they might think we’re selfish, or unkind, or we feel it’s our duty to say yes to our loved ones to prove we love them. Being selfless and thinking of others can be both a wonderful trait but it can also be a curse and hinder your happiness. So, like everything in life, we need to find a balance between being selfless and selfish.
Being able to say no guilt free really comes down to how much you value yourself ladies. Yep, that’s really the crux of it. It means putting yourself and your needs first and being comfortable with your decision, because you know it’s right for you. It all comes back to my fave term, Self-Love.
Make yourself a Priority in your life
If you have the mindset that being a yes person and doing everything for your hubby makes you a hero, then think about this… Everytime you say yes to doing something you don’t really want to do, you are saying no to yourself. You are saying ‘I don’t matter, I’m not important, my needs don’t count’ You are denying your real self and sacrificing your own needs and this is the surest way to get lost with who you are and what makes you happy. Happiness my friends, comes when we are living in line with our values and our truth. When we are acknowledging ourselves and in turn meeting our needs.
You are a priority in your life and it’s up to you to believe this and treat yourself with the respect you deserve. Yes, you might upset your partner by saying no to something they have asked or want to do and maybe that feels selfish but does that make you horrible? No! It’s changing the belief around what that means to you. What it makes you is authentic, genuine and one sexy empowered woman, who isn’t afraid to stand up and own who she is and what she wants. We need to let go of this negative context we put on the word selfish. There are times in our lives where we have to be selfish. There are times where you have to think of yourself and do what’s right for you and guess what… THAT’S OK, otherwise you’ll be living life for everyone else and not yourself.
Its Not Your Responsibility
You can’t be responsible for upsetting someone else because you have acted in alignment with your values and done what feels right for you. No one else is living your life accept YOU, so it’s your duty to yourself to create the right boundaries that ensure your happiness . We all have a choice, you can either chose to live for others by making them a priority and doing everything to make them happy, or you can do whats right for you and live your life in aligment to who you really are.
Be Honest with Yourself.
This is not me telling you to never do anything for anyone ever again, it’s me encouraging you to be honest with yourself. When we ‘thiNk’ or feel like we ‘should’ being doing something, normally it’s because we are thinking about how someone else will feel about it. We do it automatically without even realisng that we’re not thinking of ourselves but them. If you are happy of thinking of them first in this instances then great but ask yourself frist ‘Do I really want to say yes to this or do I want to say no’ That’s the first step. Are you making a conscious the choice because it’s what you want to do or are you saying yes because you feel you ‘should’ or ‘have’ to? Because of the opinions others might have…
When it feels like there are more should’s and have to’s, then it’s time to go within and find your truth.
PAUSE – Take a moment for you. To break the cycle of just saying yes, the first step is to create some space for you to think. Become aware of when you’re being asked to do something for someone else and instead of instantly saying yes, take a moment to think about your feelings and if this is really something you want to do.