“Love yourself first and everything else falls into line…”
– Lucille Ball
How to feel more Confident in your Relationship
This is for all you amazing women out there who find yourselves second guessing, doubting and lacking confidence within yourself and your relationship. I’m here to tell you what the best remedy is to get you feeling more self assured, empowered and confident within, so you can show up in your relationship in full belief of the wonderful worthy woman you are.
The Magic Pill to Confidence.
I’m a firm believer that we were put on this Earth to love and be loved. I say this now because since allowing my heart to open and finding my vulnerability, my relationship has been epic. There were of course several other things that needed to happen for me and my bf to move past some of the huge craters we both had in our way to get to this point, but being in a loving healthy relationship where I can confidently show up 100% myself, is a fabulous feeling and I’m sure this is exactly what you want, if you’re trying to figure out how to feel more confident in your relationship, right?
So what’s the magic pill we can take to get this I hear you ask…Well unfortunately there is no such pill or quick fix, but stay with me because there is a solution to helping you feel more confident in your relationship… and that my lovely is Self-Love! Now if you’ve never heard of this phrase have no fear as all will be revealed, or if you’re familiar with this term and think it involves touching yourself up, or is Narcissistic, then hold fire, because you’re on the wrong path lady. Self-love is all about directing love towards yourself! Yesss, it’s that simple. Give all the goodness you give to others to yourself FIRST and if touching yourself up is part of that for you, then crack on and have a field day, because after all self love is about giving yourself what you need so, you can show up as the best version of YOU!
I had no idea this magical antidote could help me feel more confident within myself and there fore help me to have the kind of healthy, loving relationship I desired. No one ever told me about this term, or taught me about the word love or myself for that matter when I was younger. It totally baffles me now I have this awareness, of all the emphasis that’s put on leaving school with good GCSE’s in Math, English, Science whatever else and going on to Uni to study further. But at any point did your teachers tell you how to deal with your emotions, recognise your emotional triggers, let go of self doubt and increase self trust, understand the difference between toxic and unhealthy relationships and most importantly, did they teach you what love is and help you understand how to direct this towards yourself? The answer for me and many other women is NO and this is why there are so many amazing women out there, lacking the confidence to show up as their amazing selves and focusing too much of their life on finding someone to fill a void that they have never been taught to fill themselves. You see most of us have no idea that in order to have great relationships externally, we have to do the work internally, on the relationship with ourselves first.
Fear Takes Control, Love Says You Decide
Love is an incredible energy and when passed between two people, BOOM, it can change how we feel and in turn how we experience life and having someone to experience life with, is a wonderful thing that most human beings want and in fact need. But with all needs it’s important to understand where they are coming from and maintain a healthy desire to fulfil those needs, rather than an unhealthy one. So what am I talking about…
Well beaut it’s as simple as this… If your need for love is coming from a place of fear, maybe you fear letting go of someone and being lonely, never finding someone to love you or you fear never finding love ever again, then you can fall into this dangerous place of self sacrifice. Self sacrifice happens when you are so desperate to fill a void within yourself, that you give up your desires, your needs and the values that make you happy, because your need to be loved by someone else is more powerful. When we experience this need for love because of fear, this need then bares a hold and control over us, which opens the door to unhealthy, toxic and even abusive relationships. When we find ourselves in these kinds of relationships, where we’ve let go of what we really want to make way for whatever we’re given, we fall into a victim mentality. Victim mentality leaves us feeling unsure of ourselves and like we have no choice and this ladies is how we lose ourselves, our confidence and that inner trust in who we are.
“Needing love because of fear peeps, does NOT create loving healthy relationships”
Now, we all need to feel the fear at times so we are aware of danger, but we must know when fear is driving us and be able to obtain whether it’s necessary for the situation we’re in, especially because fear has the ability to control us and ultimately hold us back in life. Think about someone you may know who’s terrified of something and because of this very thing, it stops them from enjoying life the way they want. Whether it’s a fear of flying, spiders, needles, there’s all kinds of fears and phobias people have, which unfortunately affects them from doing the things they want and keeps them dimming their light. It’s the same when we connect fear with love, it controls us and stops us from making the decisions which are aligned to us and our happiness.
Self-Love Releases Fear
Fear has no place when it comes to love ladies, so this is why I harp on about SELF-LOVE so much and why you must have a great relationship with yourself first. The key ingredient to letting go of our fears is LOVE. That big L word, but directed right towards yourself. Loving yourself first gives you a deeper awareness and understanding of you, which means you develop a greater sense of self trust and self belief in who you are and this in turn affects the choices and decisions you make. When you know yourself well enough, you’re confident in choosing what’s right for you, your life and your relationship. Self-love puts you in the driving seat of your life and your relationship. It disperse’s the doubt and uncertainly, instead giving you the true confidence to value yourself and your needs. Having a strong relationship with yourself gives you an inner strength, enabling you to ditch the self sabotage and unhealthy relationship choices. Ladies don’t allow fear to be the driving force in your love life, focus inwards and take the reins on your life and create the relationship you deserve by loving yourself and feeling confident and empowered within.
Want to have the loving, healthy relationship you deserve? Then time to get clear on whether your need for love is a healthy need or a need driven by a fear. Check out my 3 questions below to help you think about the love you want beaut. There’s also a great little self love action for you to do too…
WHAT LOVE ARE YOU LOOKING FOR…
- What are my fears around the love I am receiving/looking for?
- What are my beliefs around the kind of relationship I desire to have?
- How comfortable does it feel to trust myself and the decisions I make within my relationship?
List down all the amazing qualities you possess that make you a wonderful woman to be in a relationship with!